Chinese funerals in the UK

Chinese funeral customs are shaped by respect for elders and ancestors, and by where a family’s roots are: Hong Kong, mainland China, Malaysia, Singapore, Taiwan, Vietnam or elsewhere. Faith matters too. Families may be Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Muslim, follow Chinese folk traditions or none. This guide explains the customs you may meet in the UK and how to plan around them.

Key points

• Customs vary widely by region, dialect group, faith and generation. Always ask the family.
• Many families choose an auspicious date for the funeral, guided by a feng shui master or the Chinese almanac.
• A wake with an altar, incense and offerings may last one or more days.
• Mourners wear white, black or plain clothes and avoid red.
• Guests often give money in a white envelope to help with costs.
• Families may burn joss paper and paper offerings, so check what the venue allows.
• Christian and Muslim Chinese families follow their own faith’s funeral rites.

What makes Chinese funerals distinctive

NHS Education for Scotland’s multi-faith guide describes how many Chinese families blend Buddhism, Confucianism and Taoism with reverence for ancestors, and how children are expected to carry out rituals for their parents. Singapore’s National Library Board describes funeral rites as partly an act of filial piety and partly a belief in a continuing relationship between the living and the dead.

Child Bereavement UK notes that traditions are often observed carefully, because not doing so is thought to bring bad luck. Younger family members may be less observant than their elders, so it helps to agree early which customs matter most.

Choosing the date

Many families consult a feng shui master or the Chinese almanac (Tung Shing) for an auspicious date and time, and sometimes for the position of the grave. This can mean waiting a little longer, or needing a particular day at the crematorium. Tell your funeral director as soon as you have a preferred date.

The wake

In the UK, the wake is often held in the funeral director’s chapel over one or more evenings, or sometimes at home. You may see:

• an altar with the person’s photograph, candles, incense, fruit and other food offerings;
• family taking turns to sit with the person, who may be dressed in their best clothes or a white robe;
• Buddhist monks or nuns, or Taoist priests, chanting and leading rites, often on the final night;
• visitors lighting incense and bowing to the person, then bowing to the family;
• wreaths or floral tributes, sometimes with banners carrying a message.

In Singapore, wakes traditionally last an odd number of days. In many families, pregnant women and young children are discouraged from attending.

White envelopes and other money customs

Guests often leave quietly without saying goodbye to the family.

The funeral, joss paper and offerings

When the coffin is closed, some mourners turn away. Families may burn joss paper, spirit money and paper models of houses, cars and other items, so the person has what they need in the afterlife. Some rites, especially Buddhist ones, continue at the crematorium or graveside.

Check the rules first. Some crematoria and cemeteries don’t allow open flames in chapels or on graves. Rugby’s cemetery regulations, for example, don’t allow naked flames on graves. Some sites can suggest a safe place to burn offerings, and incense in a chapel may set off smoke alarms.

Christian Chinese families usually hold a church or chapel service with hymns, and may not follow folk customs. See our Buddhist funerals guide and Christian funerals guide.

Dress and mourning

Child Bereavement UK notes that mourning periods range from one month to three years, depending on the relationship and the family’s origins. Some families postpone weddings for at least a year after a parent or grandparent dies.

Burial or cremation?

Burial has long been preferred by many older Chinese people, who may wish the body to stay whole. Cremation is now common, especially among families from cities where land is scarce. Ashes are usually not scattered: they may be buried, placed in a columbarium niche, kept by the family or shared between relatives. Some families take feng shui into account when choosing a grave. See cremation vs burial.

Remembrance

• Weekly rites up to the 49th day are common in Buddhist families.
• An ancestral altar or tablet at home or in a temple keeps the person’s memory present.
• Ching Ming (Qingming) in early April is the main time to clean graves and make offerings. Many Hong Kong families also visit at Chung Yeung in the autumn.

Costs

Costs depend on the family’s choices. The biggest items are usually:

• several days’ use of the funeral director’s chapel for the wake;
• fees or donations for monks, nuns or priests;
• a burial plot in a preferred position, and a headstone, often with a photograph;
• flowers, paper offerings and a meal for guests.

White envelope gifts help many families. See our funeral costs guide.

Repatriation or a UK funeral?

Some families send their loved one, or their ashes, to Hong Kong, mainland China, Malaysia or elsewhere. Ashes are simpler and cheaper to transport than a coffin. From England and Wales, your funeral director must first give notice to the coroner. Destination rules vary, so check with the relevant consulate. The Funeral Expenses Payment only covers funerals in the UK, the EEA or Switzerland. See our repatriation guide.

Practical tips for arranging the funeral in the UK

• Choose a funeral director who is used to Chinese funerals, allows altars, incense and longer viewings, and ideally has Cantonese- or Mandarin-speaking staff.
• Book early if you need an auspicious date or time.
• Book a longer slot for rites at the crematorium. Crematoria run to fixed intervals (Croydon, for example, uses 45-minute slots), but extra time can often be booked.
• Ask about burning offerings and incense before the day.
• Ask the cemetery about headstone photographs and memorial rules before choosing a plot.

Next steps

• Find Buddhist funeral directors or funeral directors near you.
• Read funeral etiquette and what to wear to a funeral.