A wake gives people a chance to talk, share stories and look after the family after the formality of a funeral. The word means different things in different places, so this guide explains the traditions, the faith variations and how to host one.
Key points
- In most of the UK, a wake now means the gathering after the funeral.
- A traditional Irish wake takes place before the funeral, with the body at home.
- In Scotland the funeral tea is often called a purvey.
- Many faiths have their own mourning gatherings, such as shiva (Jewish) and Nine Night (Caribbean).
- A wake can be anything from tea and sandwiches at home to a hotel buffet.
- Guests can come and go. Speaking to the family and sharing a memory is what matters.
Wake, reception, celebration of life: what’s the difference?
| Term | When | What it is |
|---|---|---|
| Wake (traditional) | Before the funeral | Family and friends visit the home to sit with the body and the family |
| Wake (modern UK use) | Straight after the funeral | Informal gathering with food and drink |
| Funeral reception or tea | Straight after the funeral | Same as a modern wake; “reception” sounds more formal |
| Purvey | After the funeral | Scottish term for the funeral tea |
| Celebration of life | Often weeks or months later | A memorial gathering, sometimes without the coffin present |
| Memorial service | Any time after | A service without the body, often after a direct cremation |
Irish wake traditions
The traditional Irish wake is still common across Northern Ireland and Ireland, and in Irish communities in Britain. The person is usually brought home in an open coffin, and neighbours, friends and family call to pay their respects over one or two days.
Common customs include:
- someone staying with the person through the night, so they’re never left alone;
- saying the rosary together, often led by a priest or family member;
- tea, sandwiches and home baking, with plenty of storytelling and sometimes music;
- older customs such as stopping the clocks, covering mirrors or opening a window;
- death notices saying “house private” at certain times, when the family needs rest.
After the funeral there is often a meal in a hotel, pub or parish hall.
Faith and cultural variations
| Tradition | What happens |
|---|---|
| Jewish (shiva) | Seven days of mourning at home after the burial. Visitors bring food, join prayers and offer comfort. Flowers are not customary. |
| Muslim | Family, friends and neighbours visit the home, often for three days. Visitors bring food so the family doesn’t need to cook, and offer prayers. |
| Hindu | A mourning period of around 13 days, with prayers and visits to the family home. It usually ends with a ceremony and shared meal. Others often cook for the family. |
| Sikh | A reading of the Guru Granth Sahib (Sahaj Path or Akhand Path) ends with the bhog ceremony and Antim Ardas prayer, followed by langar, a shared vegetarian meal. |
| Caribbean (Nine Night) | Gatherings over the nights after a death, especially in Jamaican families, with food, hymns, stories and prayer. The largest is on the ninth night. |
| West African | Many families hold a large celebration, sometimes weeks after the burial, with music, food and specially chosen clothing. |
| Catholic | A vigil or prayers the evening before the funeral, at home or in church. |
See our faith guides to learn more.
How much does a wake cost?
It depends on the venue, number of guests and food. As a rough guide:
- At home or a church or community hall: usually the lowest cost, especially if friends help with food.
- A pub or social club function room: often free or low-cost room hire, with a buffet charged per person.
- A hotel or restaurant: usually the most expensive, with per-head catering and possibly room hire.
- Drinks: a free bar is the biggest variable. Many families put a set amount behind the bar or offer tea and coffee only.
SunLife’s Cost of Dying 2026 research found that 86% of families who chose direct cremation still held a separate event, so a gathering is common whatever type of funeral you choose. For wider costs, see our funeral costs guide.
Tips for hosting a wake
- Choose somewhere close to the crematorium, cemetery or church, with parking and step-free access.
- Estimate numbers from the funeral, then give the venue a range.
- Keep food simple: sandwiches, finger food, cakes, tea and coffee. Include vegetarian and other dietary options.
- Ask a friend to be the organiser on the day, so the close family can talk to people.
- Add personal touches: a photo board, a slideshow, favourite music or their favourite food or drink.
- Leave out cards for guests to write a memory. Families treasure these.
- Think about children: a quiet corner with colouring or games helps.
- Set an end time with the venue, and don’t feel you have to stay until the end.
Going to a wake: quick etiquette
- Speak to the family, even briefly. “I’m so sorry. I have such good memories of [name]” is enough.
- Share stories. Laughter is normal and usually welcome.
- Drink sensibly.
- It’s fine to leave after an hour or so. Say goodbye to the family if you can.
Next steps
- Read our funeral etiquette guide.
- Find out what to wear.
- Plan costs with our funeral cost calculator.
Frequently asked questions
Is a wake before or after the funeral?
It can be either. A traditional Irish wake happens before the funeral, with the body at home. In most of the UK, the word now usually means the gathering after the funeral. The funeral notice will make it clear.
Do I need an invitation to go to a wake?
If the funeral notice or the service says everyone is welcome, you can go. If it says the wake is private or for family only, respect that. If you're unsure, ask the family or the funeral director.
How long should I stay at a wake?
There's no set time. Staying for an hour or so, speaking to the family and sharing a memory is perfectly polite. Leave whenever you need to.
Should I bring anything to a wake?
Not usually, if it's at a venue. For a wake at home, or during shiva or the days of mourning in many faiths, bringing food for the family is a kind gesture. Ask first if you're not sure.
What does "house private" mean in a death notice?
It's a phrase used mainly in Northern Ireland and Ireland. It means the family would like privacy at home, often at certain times, so visitors should not call to the house then.
Sources
- SunLife – Cost of Dying 2026
- NHS Education for Scotland – Spiritual Care: A multi-faith resource for healthcare staff
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Cite this page: FuneralFinder (2026). “What is a wake?”. https://funeralfinder.org/uk/guides/what-is-a-wake/ (updated 25 September 2026).