# Children and funerals: a guide for parents and carers

> Children of any age can go to a funeral if they want to and have been prepared. Explain simply and honestly what will happen, let them choose whether to attend, and give them a trusted adult to sit with. Children who are included usually cope better than those who are left out and left to imagine.

Source: https://funeralfinder.org/uk/guides/children-and-funerals/ — updated 2026-09-25 — FuneralFinder

Deciding whether to take a child to a funeral is one of the hardest choices a grieving family faces. Most bereavement specialists agree that children cope better when they're included and prepared, rather than protected from what's happening. This guide explains how to help children of different ages understand, prepare and take part.

## Key points

- **There's no right age.** Any child can attend if they're prepared and supported.
- **Let them choose** after you've explained what will happen.
- **Use clear words** like "died" and "dead". Avoid "gone to sleep" or "lost".
- **Give them a trusted adult** to sit with who can take them out if needed.
- **Offer a role**, such as choosing a song or drawing a picture for the coffin.
- **If they don't go**, find another way for them to say goodbye.
- **Free support is available**, including from Child Bereavement UK (which now includes Winston's Wish).

## Should children go to the funeral?

A funeral helps children understand that the death is real, see that everyone is sad together, and say goodbye. Children who are left at home often imagine something far scarier than the reality, and some feel left out for years afterwards.

That said, it should be the child's choice. Explain what will happen, answer their questions, and let them decide. Respect a "no", and offer another way to say goodbye.

## What children understand at different ages

| Age | What they may understand | What helps |
|---|---|---|
| **Under 2** | Senses sadness and changes in routine, but not death | Keep routines steady. Bring them if it's easier than finding childcare. |
| **2 to 5** | May not understand that death is permanent; may ask when the person is coming back | Short, concrete explanations repeated often: "Grandad died. His body stopped working. He can't come back." |
| **5 to 8** | Starts to understand that death is permanent and happens to everyone; may worry about who else will die | Answer questions honestly. Reassure them about who will look after them. |
| **8 to 12** | Understands death fully; may be curious about details and want to help | Offer them a role and include them in some decisions. |
| **Teenagers** | Adult understanding, but may hide feelings or grieve with friends | Involve them in planning. Let them bring a friend. Respect their privacy. |

Every child is different, and children with additional needs may need extra time, visual aids or a social story.

## How to prepare a child for the funeral

Talk them through what they will see and hear:

- **Where it is:** a church, crematorium, cemetery or other place, and what it looks like.
- **The coffin:** "Grandma's body will be in a special wooden box called a coffin. We won't see her, but we'll know she's there."
- **What happens:** music, people talking about the person, maybe prayers or songs.
- **The ending:** at a crematorium, curtains may close around the coffin. At a burial, the coffin is lowered into the ground.
- **How people might feel:** "Lots of people will be sad and some will cry. That's okay. Some people might laugh at funny stories too."
- **How long it lasts** and what happens afterwards, such as going to the wake.

## Words to use and avoid

| Instead of | Try |
|---|---|
| "We lost Grandad." | "Grandad died." |
| "She's gone to sleep." | "Her body stopped working and she died." (Sleep comparisons can cause fear of bedtime.) |
| "He's gone away." | "He died, and he can't come back." |
| "Only old people die." | "Most people live a long time, but sometimes people die younger." |

If your family has faith beliefs, share them, while also being clear about what has happened to the body.

## Ways to involve children

- Draw a picture or write a letter to go in or on the coffin.
- Choose a song, a flower or a photo for the order of service.
- Light a candle or place a flower during the service.
- Read a short poem, if they want to.
- Hand out orders of service with an adult.
- Help choose clothes for the person to wear.

## On the day

- **Assign a buddy:** a trusted adult who isn't among the closest mourners and can focus on the child.
- **Sit near an exit** so you can leave quietly.
- **Pack a small bag:** snacks, water, a quiet toy or book, tissues.
- **Agree a signal** so the child can tell their buddy if they want to step out.
- **Let them join the wake** or go home, whichever suits them.

## If a child doesn't go

- Visit the grave, crematorium garden or flowers together afterwards.
- Hold a small goodbye at home: light a candle, look at photos, share memories.
- Tell them about the service and show them the order of service.
- If the funeral was recorded or livestreamed, watch part of it together if they want to.

## After the funeral

Children often grieve in bursts, moving between sadness and play very quickly. This is normal and doesn't mean they don't care. Keep routines steady, keep talking about the person, tell the school, and watch for signs they're struggling, such as long-lasting sleep problems, withdrawal, anger or changes in schoolwork.

## Where to get support

| Organisation | Who it helps | Contact |
|---|---|---|
| **Child Bereavement UK** (now including **Winston's Wish**) | Bereaved children, young people, parents and families | Helpline **0800 02 888 40**, Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm (not bank holidays). Also live chat, email and text or WhatsApp. |
| **Hope Again** (Cruse Bereavement Support) | Young people who are grieving | Website: hopeagain.org.uk |
| **Cruse Bereavement Support** | Adults and children in England, Wales and Northern Ireland | **0808 808 1677** |
| **Cruse Scotland** | Bereaved people in Scotland | **0808 802 6161** |
| **Childline** | Children and young people under 19 | **0800 1111** |

If a child or teenager is in immediate danger, call **999**. For urgent mental health help, call **111** in England, Wales or Scotland and choose the mental health option. In Northern Ireland, contact your GP or **Lifeline** on **0808 808 8000**. See our full list of [bereavement support services](/uk/guides/bereavement-support/).

## Next steps

- Read our [funeral etiquette guide](/uk/guides/funeral-etiquette/).
- Find out [what children should wear](/uk/guides/what-to-wear-to-a-funeral/).
- If a baby or child has died, see our guide to a [funeral for a baby or child](/uk/guides/funeral-for-a-baby-or-child/).

## Frequently asked questions

### What age should a child be to go to a funeral?

There's no minimum age. Babies and toddlers often come with their families. From around four or five, children can understand a simple explanation and make a choice. What matters most is preparation and a trusted adult to look after them.

### Should I make my child go to the funeral?

No. Give them clear information and let them choose. If they decide not to go, offer other ways to say goodbye, and let them know it's fine to change their mind.

### Should children see the person's body?

Some children find it helps, others don't want to. If they're interested, describe what they will see first (for example, that the person will look peaceful but pale and feel cold), go with them, and let them leave whenever they want.

### How do I explain cremation to a child?

Keep it simple and truthful: "When someone dies, their body stops working and can't feel anything any more. At the crematorium the body is turned into soft ashes using great heat. It doesn't hurt because they can't feel anything." Answer follow-up questions honestly.

### Should I tell my child's school?

Yes. Let the teacher know what has happened and what words you're using at home, so the school can support your child and watch for signs they're struggling.

## Sources

- [Child Bereavement UK – Contact us](https://www.childbereavementuk.org/contact-us)
- [Child Bereavement UK – Winston's Wish merger](https://www.childbereavementuk.org/merger)
- [Cruse Bereavement Support – Hope Again](https://www.hopeagain.org.uk/)
- [Cruse Scotland](https://www.crusescotland.org.uk/)
- [NHS – Where to get urgent help for mental health](https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/)
- [GOV.WALES – NHS 111 Press 2](https://www.gov.wales/nhs-111-press-2)
- [NHS inform – Mental health services at NHS 24](https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/mental-health/mental-health-support/mental-health-services-at-nhs-24/)
- [nidirect – Lifeline](https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/contacts/lifeline)